Puck Pro Gifts

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

Hockey Season.

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

'According to my count, he sticked 23, gloved 18 and ate 5.'

'We could have saved an awful lot of bother and just given him a shot a hole.'

Hockey Goal

"...and this is Sheila. She's my main squeeze."

His Other Shtick

"Just so you know, despite the horrifying beating you're about to receive, I'm actually a pretty good hockey player."

'Would you like me to check your coat?'

'It sure is hot in the arena tonight!'

"Prozzac"

"He should've passed the puck."

Skate! Skate! Skate!

Hockey player with dollar sign "It was in his contract."

'How long have you felt this need to protect the net'

'A meeting of the 'Bandy' association for the promotion of 'Hockey on the ice.''

Canadian Camping

'OK. Let's see your slapshot.'

'Your goalie is out with the flu, I'm a temp, ,,, So, what's the object of this little game'

There comes a point when you may have to admit the truth: you stink.

'Could you wait until I drop the puck next time?'

Ice hockey player with testicles on his stick.

'I'd say pound-for-pound he's the best player in professional hockey.'

"I'm your last line of defense and your attorney."

Ice Fisherman on the Hockey Rink

"Look! The first fight of the NHL season."

'Whenever he loses he quits, just because it's his mothball.'