Puck Pro Gifts

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

Hockey Season.

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

The Hockey Puckey

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

The Puck Stops Here.

'According to my count, he sticked 23, gloved 18 and ate 5.'

'We could have saved an awful lot of bother and just given him a shot a hole.'

His Other Shtick

"...and this is Sheila. She's my main squeeze."

Hockey Goal

"Just so you know, despite the horrifying beating you're about to receive, I'm actually a pretty good hockey player."

'It sure is hot in the arena tonight!'

'Would you like me to check your coat?'

"Prozzac"

Skate! Skate! Skate!

The Stanley Cup comes home to Canada

"He should've passed the puck."

'How long have you felt this need to protect the net'

Hockey player with dollar sign "It was in his contract."

'A meeting of the 'Bandy' association for the promotion of 'Hockey on the ice.''

Canadian Camping

'OK. Let's see your slapshot.'

'Your goalie is out with the flu, I'm a temp, ,,, So, what's the object of this little game'

Ice Fisherman on the Hockey Rink

'I'd say pound-for-pound he's the best player in professional hockey.'

"Look! The first fight of the NHL season."

Ice hockey player with testicles on his stick.

There comes a point when you may have to admit the truth: you stink.

'Could you wait until I drop the puck next time?'

"I'm your last line of defense and your attorney."

NHL's toughest coach: 'I'm sick of all this whining! Hockey's a rough game!. . . Now get back out there!'