Puck Pusher Gifts

"Just so you know, despite the horrifying beating you're about to receive, I'm actually a pretty good hockey player."

"I would say your stickhandling needs a little work."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

Hockey Season.

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

'According to my count, he sticked 23, gloved 18 and ate 5.'

His Other Shtick

What's For Dessert

'Would you like me to check your coat?'

"Prozzac"

'It sure is hot in the arena tonight!'

Skate! Skate! Skate!

'Puck!'

"He should've passed the puck."

'How long have you felt this need to protect the net'

Hockey player with dollar sign "It was in his contract."

'A meeting of the 'Bandy' association for the promotion of 'Hockey on the ice.''

Canadian Camping

'OK. Let's see your slapshot.'

'Your goalie is out with the flu, I'm a temp, ,,, So, what's the object of this little game'

Ice hockey player with testicles on his stick.

'I'd say pound-for-pound he's the best player in professional hockey.'

'Could you wait until I drop the puck next time?'

Ice Fisherman on the Hockey Rink

"I'm your last line of defense and your attorney."

"Look! The first fight of the NHL season."

There comes a point when you may have to admit the truth: you stink.

"Roomba, noooo!"