Puck Pilot Gifts

Skate! Skate! Skate!

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

Hockey Season.

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

The Hockey Puckey

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

'According to my count, he sticked 23, gloved 18 and ate 5.'

The Puck Stops Here.

His Other Shtick

Hockey Goal

"Just so you know, despite the horrifying beating you're about to receive, I'm actually a pretty good hockey player."

'It sure is hot in the arena tonight!'

'Would you like me to check your coat?'

"Prozzac"

'Puck!'

The Stanley Cup comes home to Canada

"He should've passed the puck."

'How long have you felt this need to protect the net'

Hockey player with dollar sign "It was in his contract."

'A meeting of the 'Bandy' association for the promotion of 'Hockey on the ice.''

Canadian Camping

'OK. Let's see your slapshot.'

'Your goalie is out with the flu, I'm a temp, ,,, So, what's the object of this little game'

"I'm your last line of defense and your attorney."

'They're renegotiating their contracts with the team owner during half time.'

'Could you wait until I drop the puck next time?'

There comes a point when you may have to admit the truth: you stink.

Ice hockey player with testicles on his stick.

'I'd say pound-for-pound he's the best player in professional hockey.'

"Look! The first fight of the NHL season."

Ice Fisherman on the Hockey Rink

NHL's toughest coach: 'I'm sick of all this whining! Hockey's a rough game!. . . Now get back out there!'