Puck Muncher Gifts

'According to my count, he sticked 23, gloved 18 and ate 5.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

Hockey Season.

'Lungs, normal. Heart, normal. Kidneys, normal. For the life of me, I can't figure out where your pain is coming... wait. Do you play hockey?'

Aliens watch the earth explode

The Directors Gut.

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

Gamers

"Can we go see 'Home Alone 2'? My friend Jeffrey says it's an important picture."

His Other Shtick

"You're right. Watching them celebrate freedom before we abduct them is fun."

Castaway with popcorn holds up sign: 'SEND DENTAL FLOSS'.

"Just so you know, despite the horrifying beating you're about to receive, I'm actually a pretty good hockey player."

"Prozzac"

'Dude, seriously...Turn down the A.C.'

'It sure is hot in the arena tonight!'

'Would you like me to check your coat?'

'Puck!'

Skate! Skate! Skate!

"He should've passed the puck."

'Leftovers...! Leftovers!'

Hockey player with dollar sign "It was in his contract."

'Son, that was just a white lie to get you to come with me ... They don't really hand out 3-D glasses at the ballpark.'

'How long have you felt this need to protect the net'

"That film broke all records for keeping that key 16 to 39 year old demographic distracted from reality."

"Careful, Rocky. You're about to give away the secret behind your knockout punches."

'A meeting of the 'Bandy' association for the promotion of 'Hockey on the ice.''

Cat TV

'OK. Let's see your slapshot.'