Puck Pun Enthusiast Gifts

Hockey Season.

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"Okay, quote me. I'm on the record."

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

"Did that pig that went wee, wee, wee all the way have have foot and mouth?"

Self Raising Flour

'He's not big enough to use the toilet yet.'

"I see you ladies are admiring the Tuscan Blue."

"We should have taken a eweber."

"You tend to clam up, Wally, you need to come out of your shell!"

"Don't be alarmed, Lois, but there appears to be a pop-up thermometer protruding from your right buttock."

Pontius Pilates

His Other Shtick

'They're for a friend.'

'You may want to consider diversifying your portfolio.'

Global Warming.

"So how often do you have these dreams about the axe?"

'That's weird, do you smell barbecue sauce, Sarah'

Chick escapes from egg prison.

'Not all my kids went to the dogs...some of them went to the cats.'

"And don't get me started about being henpecked. Why do you think I crossed the road in the first place?!"

'That's three strikes. You're Out!'

'If provoked - his remarks can be scathing.'

"Every night it's Roll Play with you."

'Would you like me to check your coat?'

"Prozzac"

"It's beak-proof. That makes it perfect for the hen-pecked husband."

'He kept saying that, 'my bark was worse than my bite', so I bit him!'