Publishing Industry Follower Gifts

'When will they come out in papyrus-back?'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

Litterary Dogs.

Editor.

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

BOOKS ON VIDEO/BOOKS ON TAPE/READ YOUR OWN.

'Being a brilliant,inspiring teacher is NOT adequate, Hackwell....'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

Book editor tells Jesus legal says he can't use title 'Greatest Story Ever Told'.

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

"It's by A.I. Milne."

"We're still pretty far apart. I'm looking for a six-figure advance and they're refusing to read the manuscript."

"We need a better distribution system."

Publishing Clauses Of The '90s.

"I was able to get you a 2-book deal."

"Dumb it down or sex it up."

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

"That's not how I had hoped they would promote my novel."

Publisher: 'Do we need more books?'

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

Book Shop: DYI section

"Legal is concerned you made up your 'True Life' adventures."

"Don't peddle your new book until the seminar's over."

'Meet the Author!'

"What if the dish and the spoon run away together?" "Not bad, Doug, not bad at all." "And a crockpot tries to lure the dish away with cash and loads of jewels!" "Come on, Rita! That's been done to death. Too derivative."

'I'm your husband. Surely you can tell me how many copies your book sold.'

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