Publishing Industry Aficionado Gifts

"One of you shall betray me - Four of you shall get book deals."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Meet The Author"

Reading my Critics

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"I try to write a little bit every day."

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'Meet the author with her collaborators'

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

What Harper Lee's REALLY been up to all these years

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

Editor.

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

“The two spaces after a period were a dead giveaway.”

"You'd be angry, too, if your alter ego was a successful physician."

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

"There goes our early night."

Mark Twain and Charles Dickens make a joint appearance on the lecture circuit

Meet the author

'Publshing Books for Dummies.'

Dip Pen

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

'Being a brilliant,inspiring teacher is NOT adequate, Hackwell....'

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."