Publishing Enthusiast Gifts

"We need a better distribution system."

Publishing Clauses Of The '90s.

Book Shop: DYI section

I'm afraid we only accept manuscripts through an agent, except spy novels, which we only accept through a double agent.

Meet the Bookjacket Blurb Author

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'Bestseller list? But is it print, ebook or combo?'

Disaster strikes Dilmont Publishing.

Publisher: 'Do we need more books?'

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

"Meet The Author"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Thomas Mann.

Victor Hugo

Reading my Critics

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

The Dorrie Decimal System

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Blue Stockings

'He likes to power nap.'

Television Readers.

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

John Bunyan

Silence of the Chickens...

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Characters jumping out of a book.

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

"I try to write a little bit every day."

Don Quixote

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"