Publishing Aficionados Gifts

"I was able to get you a 2-book deal."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Gay Times...

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

'He was a great writer'

Tequila Mockingbird

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

Editor.

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

So You've Cloned Yourself

Thomas Keneally

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

'Being a brilliant,inspiring teacher is NOT adequate, Hackwell....'

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

The Month of August

Book editor tells Jesus legal says he can't use title 'Greatest Story Ever Told'.

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

RETURN BOOKS HERE, 'I'm sorry, sir -- all our books on Houdini have disappeared.'

"I think you left something of your resumé... writer of fiction!"

Reading in the rain.

William Wordsworth

"We need a better distribution system."

Publishing Clauses Of The '90s.

"This isn't working out - I'm an earthworm and you're a....are you even listening to me?"

Publisher: 'Do we need more books?'

"Poetry? Philosophy? Just what kind of dinner conversation do you want?"

'Oh-oh -- I think I've invented writer's block!'

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

'He doesn't want to play doctors and nurses anymore - He just wants to play Harry Potter!'

"Fire, bad. Smoke, good... quite the conundrum."

Truman Capote

'I realize that you're upset that Oprah hasn't reviewed your new book on her show. But you are on MY show, so why don't you tell us what inspired you to write 'Overcoming Disappointment and Resentment.''