Book Aficionados Gifts

'Your book won't sell unless we can reduce it to a soundbite, Mr. Darwin. In the publishing world it's survival of the fittest.'

"Nah, his staying in all day has nothing to do with that virus. My Dad's a writer, He's been in self-quarantine since 2003."

Literal Music.

'Burnt any good books lately?'

"Meet The Author"

Victor Hugo

Reading my Critics

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

"I try to write a little bit every day."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

'Meet the author with her collaborators'

What Harper Lee's REALLY been up to all these years

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

'He was a great writer'

Tequila Mockingbird

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

'According to this, you owe $57.32 in late fees for the book 'Getting By on a Shoestring Budget'.'

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

So You've Cloned Yourself

"There goes our early night."

'Publshing Books for Dummies.'

Meet the author

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

Thomas Keneally

"You'd be angry, too, if your alter ego was a successful physician."

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

"In this one, references to everything have been deleted."