Book Aficionados T-Shirts

'Your book won't sell unless we can reduce it to a soundbite, Mr. Darwin. In the publishing world it's survival of the fittest.'

"Nah, his staying in all day has nothing to do with that virus. My Dad's a writer, He's been in self-quarantine since 2003."

Literal Music.

'Burnt any good books lately?'

"Meet The Author"

Reading my Critics

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

"I try to write a little bit every day."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

What Harper Lee's REALLY been up to all these years

'Meet the author with her collaborators'

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"Hmm...I can see a best-selling book and a movie deal out of this..."

'He was a great writer'

Tequila Mockingbird

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

So You've Cloned Yourself

"You'd be angry, too, if your alter ego was a successful physician."

Meet the author

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

'Publshing Books for Dummies.'

"There goes our early night."

Thomas Keneally

'Gifted class, indeed. One is gifted in science, but he can't read - one is gifted in reading, but won't even try math...'

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."

"In this one, references to everything have been deleted."

Meet the author Billy Bovine.

Learn yourself English.

The joy of sects.