Publishing Industry Follower Pillows

'When will they come out in papyrus-back?'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

Litterary Dogs.

Editor.

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

BOOKS ON VIDEO/BOOKS ON TAPE/READ YOUR OWN.

'Being a brilliant,inspiring teacher is NOT adequate, Hackwell....'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

Book editor tells Jesus legal says he can't use title 'Greatest Story Ever Told'.

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

Charles Darwin Visits a Publisher. "Past performance is not a Guarantee of Future Results" --- It's a nice book, Mister Darwin, but the title is too long.

"It's by A.I. Milne."

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

"Oprah is definite, Barnes and Noble is giving you front windows, and Norman Mailer has agreed to a feud."

"We're still pretty far apart. I'm looking for a six-figure advance and they're refusing to read the manuscript."

"We need a better distribution system."

Publishing Clauses Of The '90s.

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

"I was able to get you a 2-book deal."

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

Publisher: 'Do we need more books?'

"That's not how I had hoped they would promote my novel."

"Dumb it down or sex it up."

Book Shop: DYI section

'Meet the Author!'

"Don't peddle your new book until the seminar's over."

"Legal is concerned you made up your 'True Life' adventures."

'I'm your husband. Surely you can tell me how many copies your book sold.'

Literary Advice