Publishing Insider Gifts

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

"Don't peddle your new book until the seminar's over."

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

'Hmm...could you make the 'Me' bigger?'

'I'm your husband. Surely you can tell me how many copies your book sold.'

"That's not how I had hoped they would promote my novel."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

Lesser known greek gods,

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

Editor.

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

"Personally, I loved your novel. Unfortunately, our e-book editor says it just doesn't work on the little screen!"

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Supermarket Merge

Writers wait in their area of expertise.

"Hello, editorial? This the comics department. One of your articles is leaking on us down here!"

Man milks a book.

Book editor tells Jesus legal says he can't use title 'Greatest Story Ever Told'.

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

'The global economy supplies basic tools. A lot of us get the axe.'

'I know the Oval Office is in the West Wing. I wonder what mischief goes on in the East Wing?'

'That's right...his appendix...and it's pure dynamite! Don't you see? It'll be the ultimate insider celebrity memoir!'

'The Parkinson would be good PR, but should I wear the hair shirt or the sackcloth and ashes?'

'This is the shortest autobiography I've ever read!'

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

"We're still pretty far apart. I'm looking for a six-figure advance and they're refusing to read the manuscript."

"We need a better distribution system."

"We used your unsold copies to build a tree, but it's not the same."

Publishing Clauses Of The '90s.

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'