Media Insider Gifts

'I stopped paying attention to polls since a poll showed voters prefer someone who ignores the polls.'

'They stole the surveillance tape. Might be a gang of TV network executives.'

'The Parkinson would be good PR, but should I wear the hair shirt or the sackcloth and ashes?'

Squeezing the Free Press.

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

Fear of news.

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

"Really? You'd like to be part of this?"

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

Fiscal cliff

'I know the Oval Office is in the West Wing. I wonder what mischief goes on in the East Wing?'

"Will you two stop giggling every time I say 'assets'?"

'No comment for now, but there will be a press leak at four.'

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

'I was trying to predict future market trends and the computer blew up!'

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

"Great work on the annual report, John. It's fact-driven, yet delightfully unencumbered by reality!"

"You know how to whistle don't you Steve, you just put your lips together and blow. . . but I wouldn't recommend it."

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

"Surprisingly, it's not in reverse order."

Man about executive: 'Success went to his head. There was plenty of room there.'

Man Wrapped In Film

"That's not how I had hoped they would promote my novel."

'True rupture is rare. Ladies' breasts are most commonly bursting simply with admiration for me and my skills.'

'Frankly, I don't know if I feel like having a cup of coffee or trying to misappropriate some funds.'

"Don't peddle your new book until the seminar's over."

"It isn't just the media that's biased... often the voters are too."

'I'm your husband. Surely you can tell me how many copies your book sold.'

'If it hurts when you make webs, Dear, maybe you should see a spin doctor.'

'Offshoring is the future and I'm afraid we've founds a lawyer in Mumbai whose 46% better at being you for half the cost.'