Publishing Attempt Gifts

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Meet the author"

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

First Novels.

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

Gay Times...

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"I try to write a little bit every day."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

Isabel Allende

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'