Publishing Attempt Gifts

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

First Novels.

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"Meet the author"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

Gay Times...

"I try to write a little bit every day."

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

Thesaurus Publishing: Out, Not here, Gone, Absent.

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

Isabel Allende