Publishing Debut Gifts

Knowing your audience

"As your first novel, it starts out badly and just falls away!"

'Sorry to turn you down but your the 20th author this week calling herself 'The next J.K. Rowling.''

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

Sumo Love.

'As is the fashion these days, it's about nothing.'

"It's a first novel about the brutal murder of a publisher who refused to publish the first novel of a..."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

First Novels.

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

Gay Times...

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

Silly wig.

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

Madame Rejane- Famous French Actress in the Part of Madame Sans Gene

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."