First Book Release Gifts

"As your first novel, it starts out badly and just falls away!"

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"Meet the author"

First Novels.

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

'Is this your first book launch?'

"Tom's writing has been going really well! He's written over 200,000 words. Now he just needs to work out what order to put them in!"

No animals were harmed during the writing of this book report....

Sumo Love.

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

"I've read all your books and seen all your plays, and I wear your 'Gimme' cap."

Book publishing.

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

Meet the author Billy Bovine.

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'

A man crosses a fountain pen bridge to reach books.

"I wrote, self-published and remaindered it myself."

Meet the Authors

'This is the shortest autobiography I've ever read!'

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

'As is the fashion these days, it's about nothing.'

"It's about keeping the bunny alive within each of us."

"My first novel is a prequel of a sequel, it's about time travel."

Getting Published

Meet the Oar-thor.

"This manuscript is unbelievably mature for a first novel but, sadly, we don't publish the unbelievable."

"I took two lessons before I released my first album."

Knowing your audience

"This is probably the most mature, astute novel of the last half century that I've just finished. Me want ice cream."