First Publication Gifts

"I can't believe my first published short story is about me."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"Meet the author"

First Novels.

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Gay Times...

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

Thesaurus Publishing: Out, Not here, Gone, Absent.

Isabel Allende

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."