Publishing Agent Gifts

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'This is the shortest autobiography I've ever read!'

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

First Novels.

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

Gay Times...

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Sue the Author 3PM

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Letters escape from a caged book.

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,