Press Agent Gifts

"First, we tell everybody that you're in rehab. I'll take it from there."

"I was never famous, but then, I never had a publicist."

Newsvendor: SHOCK! HORROR!

Newspaper Bombs

Trial by Media

'How fast can you hype?'

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Moses Today. Due to the sensitive nature of this matter, my source wishes to remain anonymous.

Newspaper suicide.

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

Free press.

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

'That's the new guy. He writes our 'shuck-and-jive' press releases.'

Meet Santa's entourage

Freedom of the Press

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

Snow White and her Seven people.

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

'Because I'm so sick of those movies, now go get me a romantic comedy.'

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

'Michelle's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms'

Weditorials

The Acme Agency: "Dedicated to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Media Exposure."