News Agents Gifts

Strong Winds

The Anti-Agent

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

Press Freedom

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

"Trump vs Biden. Chiefs vs 49ers. On the brink of war with Iran. Didn't we do this all in 2020?"

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

Why do you hate the media?

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

'Please keep in mind this is only a 'ruff' copy.'

'Is this your first book launch?'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Meet Santa's entourage

"With the fortune we have spent in technology, informers and spies around the world, how is it possible that you still haven't found where the heck is Wally?"

Writer Services: We fix plot holes.

Trump Overload

Snow White and her Seven people.

Book publisher telling author about some changes needed.

"We'd like to publish it, do nothing to promote it, and watch it disappear from the shelves in less than a month."