Press Aide Gifts

"I am not a candidate. Just ask my campaign manager, press aides and fund raisers."

Trial by Media

'How fast can you hype?'

The president's men

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

Moses Today. Due to the sensitive nature of this matter, my source wishes to remain anonymous.

Newspaper suicide.

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'

Free press.

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

'That's the new guy. He writes our 'shuck-and-jive' press releases.'

As you can see, media coverage at this event is very heavy...

'If you have to ask, you can't afford it.'

Freedom of the Press

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...

"The White House Washington"

"He's only been president a few months. Just give hima little time."

"And then I said, 'They're not Christians, they're Easter Worshippers!' Cause we can't say the 'C' word out. . ."

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

"No word from the company – but, it's clear that this is a major spill."

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

News Headline Reads - 'Man Bites Feral Media'.

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"Sir, what is your position on the issue of banana control?"

"First, we tell everybody that you're in rehab. I'll take it from there."