Media Spokesperson Gifts

Puppet Leaders

'How fast can you hype?'

"I think we have an opening for you in our department of spin."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"National security adviser"

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

Changing Minds

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

"You realize, of course, that I'll have to make a big show of having security escort you out."

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."

As you can see, media coverage at this event is very heavy...

"On yesterday's news, we left Bill and Hillary and Al and Tipper in the Midwest, preparing to go their separate ways after their bus trip. Meanwhile, their nemesis, George, upset by the latest popularity polls, was consulting with his friend James about h

'I had to give a short speech last night. It was a hoot!'

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

Crooked Hillary... Pig... Sad!... Not a Ten!...

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'

"You notice all the books behind me...one of these days I'll get around to read one."

"Sir, what is your position on the issue of banana control?"

News Headline Reads - 'Man Bites Feral Media'.

"No word from the company – but, it's clear that this is a major spill."

'Tell them there'll be no retaliation, then check with the chiefs of staff, the media and our major allies what leeway we have in the adapted dissuasion department.'

"Can you give me your opinion on the 'Paid for' magazines debate?" "Sure...but it will cost you"

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

"And then I said, 'They're not Christians, they're Easter Worshippers!' Cause we can't say the 'C' word out. . ."

"The issues are a big snore, Dave. Let's talk about my hair on fire."

TV Situations vacant.

'It's getting harder to tell when the news stops and the spin begins.'

'We're out of duct tape.'