Government Spokesperson Gifts

"There is nothing dangerous about GM foods!" "Keep talking or we'll smash your head in"

Covid Podium

'How fast can you hype?'

"National security adviser"

Changing Minds

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

Meanwhile, back on planet earth...Greenland's ice sheet is melting faster than previously thought, sea levels could rise..."

"With the fortune we have spent in technology, informers and spies around the world, how is it possible that you still haven't found where the heck is Wally?"

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."

'I had to give a short speech last night. It was a hoot!'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'

A boy and his spin patrol.

"Marketing hired a golf pro as our spokesperson. Finally, we've got someone on the ball around here."

'We're out of duct tape.'

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

"It seems our precious three year old hacked into the White House with his playtime computer!"

F&E Submarine Contractors. When we ask the government for assistance, we should avoid calling it a "bailout."

"Has our apologist been alerted?"

"I don't think of it as an environmental disaster, I think of it as inventing extinct animals."

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

Businessman's schedule full of confrontations.

Where Are They Now?

These remarks are completely off the record

"I think he said he doesn't want to be your press secretary any more."

'So how did Hakeem take it when you told him we'd be paying him in footwear instead of cash this year, for being our spokesman?'

Spy vs. Spy

"That's a very good question, which is why we're going to move on to the next question."

'Hopkins, I want you to write me an inspiring, dynamic speech that bears my unmistakable stamp of genius.'

"I have a brief statement, a clarification, and two denials."

"The government is confident it has its numbers right. . . we're just not sure what order to put them in."

'Over the years our company has acquired a face of its own.'