Spokesman Gifts

Larry King

First and last day as oil company spokesman...

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Larry's used art

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'How fast can you hype?'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

Campaign for Plain English

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

Inclusive speech