Public Opinion Surveys Pillows

"Would you say that you are strongly in favor of Universal Healthcare?"

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

"Would you have a moment to take a short survey about your experience?"

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

'Perhaps it's time we re-branded.'

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

Election Time

'Can you spare a moment for the Universe, sir?'

"It's ten o'clock, and seventy-seven per cent of the people think all is well!"

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"Since they graduated, have any of your children moved back in with you?"

If students are more than a test score why aren't teachers?

"Excuse me, sir - I'm conducting a survey about stress in the workplace."

"It's a seasonal thing....Like the first gritters of the winter and the first cuckoo of spring!"

"Good evening. Can I start you off with a customer satisfaction survey?"

What's your stupid opinion on the following...

'...and how satisfied are you with the food? (1) very satisfied,(2) satisfied,(3) needs improvements.'

Suggestions Box

Gate has 'beware of the dog' sign. Dog has a clipboard questionnaire and asks: 'Excuse me, could I have five minutes of your time?'

"Step 10 paces, turn and post your opinion on facebook."

'We get 183 channels, and I still don't know what I think.'

"The latest numbers are in. More voters want you to drop out than to run."

"Well, I'm offended!"