Opinion Polling Pillows

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

'I personally don't care what your opinion is. I just didn't like the way you said it.'

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Can you spare a minute, madam - I'm doing a king of all I survey.'

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

Like Minded

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

Carl's still 51 annoyed at you for saying his opinion was statistically insignificant.

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

Radomly selected poll respondent

Election Time

On - Undecided - Off switch

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

"Thank you for participating in this poll, but because your answers do not coincide with your social media rantings, you're obviously lying."

LIBERAL MEDIA POLLS, 'Do you think President Obama is doing a great job, a wonderful job, or an absolutely terrific job?'

"Hmm... I wonder what I can find to trigger my self-righteous indignation today..?"

"It's a seasonal thing....Like the first gritters of the winter and the first cuckoo of spring!"

"It's seasonal, like the first gritters of Winter and the first cuckoos of Spring...the first pollsters of the election!"

If students are more than a test score why aren't teachers?

What's your stupid opinion on the following...

"I'm undecided, but that doesn't mean I'm apathetic or uninformed."

'Our next question: is the world a safer place than it was a year ago?'

'I'm taking a north poll.'

"Well, I'm offended!"

"But, what if we're attacked in the press?"

"Of course, this prediction has a plus or minus margin of error of 80% or 90%."