Puberty Philosopher Gifts

"Don't worry, son. You're just at that awkward age."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"Could I ask just one question?"

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"I'm here for the hair."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks!-- When do I get paid?'

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

Philosopher trading cards.

'After you grade my report, may I have my intellectual property back?'

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

'Soon, you will start to notice changes in your body... massive, horrifying changes.'

Young Galileo

Sex Education

"I know I'm going to get older - but how much?"

"It's one thing for the National Commission to comment on the quality of teaching in our schools. It's another thing entirely for you to stand up and call Mr. Costello a yo-yo."

'He's into Proust as only a child can be.'

The end of innocence

'Grownups are stupid! How can you be good and have fun?'

How Moms explain.

"Yeah, I've noticed it too: Young Master's smell has changed a lot since he's become a teenager..."

"I like to consider Third Grade as just another life hack."