Pub Scholar Gifts

"How is the dollar trading against the Martini today, Jack?"

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

K9 Literati

I've decided to shift down a few gears.'

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

Men gossiping

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

Ask not for whom happy hour ends. It ends for thee.

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

ONE HORSE TOWN

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

'Man. Piltdown Man.'

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

Brickie's Mate

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"Sure, I pray all the time... English test, Math test, History test...."

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

If bar stools were like playground swings...