Pub Perfecter Gifts

"It's the big guy."

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

'On second thought, perhaps it would look better if your hand was tucked into your jacket.'

Elevator Pitch

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

'Are you done yet?'

"Whoa! Was that today?"

'Here's where you give me non-comprehending nods of approval.'

Personal Cheerleader.

'Yo, Danny! The pitcher's complaining about the crowd noise. Turn it down!'

'You've had enough!'

Chick Billiard Ball

"So you used to be in a darts team?"

"The problem is: reasonable men may differ on what the hell reason is!"

'The shrink said my holiday was hereditary - my family.'

The pint of a beer is a legacy from his early days as a pub pianist!

'They balked our pitch.'

Parson wishing to seem as though he is not drinking

"Here's a nice white wine. Goes great with grooming and hairballs.

"Beats me - I've never dealt with a sovereign debt crisis before."

'Yes, that will work as an elevator pitch...if your potential client works in a skyscraper...'

Saloon Selectives

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

"Has someone forgotten the cucumber slice and lemon wedge in my spring water again, Edna?"

Sweet. Solid business plan, backed by a three-piece band.

STRIP *The Fan * Player Transfers

Flower: 'I wouldn't go in there if i were you Pal. The place is full of Skinheads.'

'Fountain pen'

"Please welcome Big Alcohol."

"I thought so Simkins - you're just yawning!"

"We're shopping around for a new agency, and we thought you people might be interested in making a pitch."