Pub Perfectionist Gifts

Oh, stop looking so smug. Like you had anything to do with hitting that bulls-eye.

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I know it's gassy...'

City Boy.

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

Men's fragrances...

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

We're going on a first date. So many words are misused every day. Literally! I don't accept the use of imperfect language. Me either. Trying to fight it has no effect. It's all a mute point. Irregardless, I could care less. I had nothing farther to say.

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

'She thinks I'm out every night training for the London Marathon.'

Surreal ale

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

Golf lessons

'Not that slowly back...'

The Endangered Species: Your Local Pub

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"Whoa! Was that today?"

Professional woman in pub

JOE'S 'COME ON - YOU KNOW YOU REALLY WANT IT' BAR.

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

Drunken singers in a public house

'I'm looking for male bonding, but I'm a little rusty.'

For sale - Used only Once.

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

'Do not stand while the room is in motion.'

The Cavern Club - "One for the long and winding road Mr McCartney?"

"My wife is trying to stop me doing my flamingo impression." "You must put your foot down! "

"Your shout!"