Pub Perfectionist T-Shirts

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'I know it's gassy...'

City Boy.

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

Men's fragrances...

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

Surreal ale

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

'She thinks I'm out every night training for the London Marathon.'

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

Golf lessons

'Not that slowly back...'

The Endangered Species: Your Local Pub

Professional woman in pub

"Whoa! Was that today?"

JOE'S 'COME ON - YOU KNOW YOU REALLY WANT IT' BAR.

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

Drunken singers in a public house

'I'm looking for male bonding, but I'm a little rusty.'

For sale - Used only Once.

"Your shout!"

"My wife is trying to stop me doing my flamingo impression." "You must put your foot down! "

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

The Reaper's Arms

The Cavern Club - "One for the long and winding road Mr McCartney?"

'Do not stand while the room is in motion.'

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'