Psychosis Ponderer Gifts

Ronald D Laing.

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

"Why bother?"

No Immediate Danger

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

"Needs to get a life"

Optimist

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

Ghost puddle

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"You dropped yer wallet."

Schrödinger and his cat

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

Another Time Travel Pair o' Ducks.

"Most people forget they've had amnesia."

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

'You can fill your teddy bear with stuffing or with a demonic spirit summoned from the nether regions.'

"Oh my God, help! Is there a logician on board?!"

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"Pregnant!... How did that happen? We took precautions, like not having sex!"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

Max Weber

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'