Psychic Readings Gifts

"To listen to your instincts, press one."

Tells it like it was, Tells it like it is, Tells it like it will be.

'Don't scoff, she's the best futures analyst we've ever had.'

'I foresee a nasty fall in your immediate future, but for twenty bucks I can give you a second opinion.'

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

Department of Futures: Hindsight and Foresight.

"I'm charging you with trying to strike a happy medium."

Madame Lucille Fortune Teller. "I predict the future."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'He said my future stinks.'

'I see a tall, dark stranger who will completely ignore you but sleep with your best friend'

Three balls...no waiting.

'Sorry Ma'am, but I only do palm-readings...'

'Never mind the future, tell me who I was with a year ago.'

'Crop Predictions'

I just knew this would be dull.

'I might also mention, that hiring me would be a fulfillment of prophecy.'

'You will meet a tall, dark and handsome man. He will play forward on the pro-basketball team you've just bought!'

'Any jobs out there in the, you know, nether regions?'

'I see you meeting a man who can borrow at well below prime.'

Fortune Teller

A Fortune-Teller texting out her predictions to a waiting customer.

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

'The crystal reveals you spend your money foolishly. That will be twenty-five dollars, please.

"You're solemates!"

"Nothing - he's ghosting you."

"And you see this line here?. . . I don't know what that means either."

"I see you've never dated a clairvoyant before."

"Hang on, there's a fish in there."

"I got one of those new crystal ball fitness trackers-- it tells me all my future steps."

"The future's looking bleak! Is that it?"

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

"What grade would you like - basic, better or best?"

"Why do you need to know if I've made a will?"

"Your fortune will be fifty pounds lighter when you leave this room."