Psychic Gifts

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

Thanksgiving Turkey Fortune: "Why the silence?"

'That's the skip-forward button. Great for jumping to conclusions.'

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

Tells it like it was, Tells it like it is, Tells it like it will be.

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'When will it be OK to feel irrationally exuberant again?'

"You will fall backward. But eventually you will spring ahead."

"The proposal sounds good. Of course, I still have to run it by my people over at the Psychic Friends Network."

'I see a woman with a very large, round nose... Oh, wait, that's my reflection. Let me try that again.'

'I see a beautiful young woman. You're naked, she's leaning over you. Oh, wait. She's performing your autopsy! '

Fortune-teller: 'AHH, what the...?!'

"The spirits say you have all the data. Just do something."

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

"You're going to get the measles..."

'Don't scoff, she's the best futures analyst we've ever had.'

Information desk manned by a fortune teller.

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'I will now peek into your future, David...'

Crystal balls: 'We have three new models to choose from: Scam, Swindle and Extort.'

Center for the study of Astral Projection: Enter before knocking.

Man sees 'Palm Readings and Stock Projections' business window

"I've made contact with your mother. She says she hates what you're wearing."

"Don't be so chintzy with the life line!"

"I see many gifts. They say do not open till Christmas."

"Out today due to foreseen circumstances."

'Wait a minute! This isn't your future... it's Ken Lay's future.'

Antoinne the Psychic.

'You will be going on a very long journey...'

"I've been predicting a sudden death next week for all my clients lately: Funny hey?!"

Closed for the Foreseeable Future

Psychic Car Mechanics.

I need some medication for an infection I'm going to get next Friday!'

'Everything looks good, Now, we'll just bring in the company psychic to see if you have any pre-existing conditions from a previous life.'

'Your'e going to meet a tall, dark, stranger.'