Psychic Reader Gifts

'Will I ever catch my tail?'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

The Environmentalist

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"Why bother?"

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Mini tennis players playing on table tennis court.

Asking out a palm reader.

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"You're solemates!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Channelling on the Cheap

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

"Confounded spell checker... never catches anything."

Pie Filling Reader

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'