Psychic Reader T-Shirts

'Will I ever catch my tail?'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

The Environmentalist

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"Why bother?"

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

Asking out a palm reader.

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Mini tennis players playing on table tennis court.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"You're solemates!"

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

Channelling on the Cheap

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

"Confounded spell checker... never catches anything."

Pie Filling Reader

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

Card Reader in PC Supplies Store.

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."