Psychiatry Gifts

'I've been clean for six months now.'

'I beleive I have a new approach to psychotherapy, but, like everything else, the FDA tells me it first has to be tested on mice.'

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

'Two black eyes. Solitary. Lethargic. Definitely in the DSM-V.'

"If you're happy and you know it, stick with your dosage."

Calm down...this is for your own good.

'It's outrageous to be labelling people 'bonkers' in this day and age...put this one on instead.'

'This is our schizophrenia wing. Two rooms per person.'

'Sheisse ... What ein dream!' - Freud

"Why don't you let me be the judge of what is or isn't normal."

"I'll say a word and you say the first word you think of..." "Hello"

'I'm going to put you in touch with reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'It's the perfect life. When the Dow is up, we make a fortune on our stocks. When the Dow is down, we make a fortune on new patients.'

'Thank GOODNESS we've moved on from the bad old days when people with mental health problems were just labelled 'mad!''

Multitasking: Psychiatry and Podiatry.

'My profession has probably been transformed again just since we started this session.'

'And what a horrible little package.'

"Am I to see beef bourguignon in this inkblot?"

Carl Gustav Jung

"You've got to help her ... she has developed a fear of flying."

'...and what makes you think that people always take advantage of you?'

'He has two personalities, and they're both deadbeats.'

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

Psychoses on tape

'Who are you calling Napoleon?I'm just going to pay you!'

Mathematician on the couch.

'Tell me your name and I'll tell you who you are!'

'Dear, the good doctor appears to have misplaced my file. Can you fax over your copy?'

'You're allowed up on the couch.'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'I keep everything bottled up.'

'My good memory is a curse: There are things I would like to forget...'

'For futher information see the collected works of Sigmund Fredu, Vol 27, pg 23.'

"No, it doesn't make you cry."

'We'll have to reschedule your appointment -- Dr. Kleinzweck went off the rails himself today.'