Psychiatric Professional Gifts

This man is obviously delusional - he thinks he should have a decent job and a good car like the rest of us.

'Oh, great! Now I'm depressed too!'

'People find me boring, Doc'

'Ah, the old up-phase bipolar cop, down-phase bipolar cop routine, eh?'

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

Lynching on social media

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Support the Ex-Troops

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

Fear/Knowledge

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

'Look, you can only do so much!'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."