Psychiatric Professional Gifts

This man is obviously delusional - he thinks he should have a decent job and a good car like the rest of us.

'Oh, great! Now I'm depressed too!'

'People find me boring, Doc'

'Ah, the old up-phase bipolar cop, down-phase bipolar cop routine, eh?'

Lynching on social media

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

Fear/Knowledge

'Look, you can only do so much!'

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

America, are we learning anything?

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'