Mental Health Professional Gifts

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

"Well, you heard wrong. I do not collect nuts. Look, I can't get into this with you right now ? I'm with a patient."

"I do count my blessings, but then I end up counting those of others who have more and better blessings, and that pisses me off."

'And if you ever did catch your tail, are you sure it would make you happy?'

"And only you can hear this whistle?"

"Have you tried taking long walks?"

"I don't mind the voices themselves, Doctor. It's the Jersey accents that are driving me nuts."

"I think that's the last of them!"

Whacha Thinking About?

"Any other hobbies besides suffering?"

"You said a moment ago that everybody you look at seems to be a rabbit. Now just what do you mean by that, Mrs. Sprague?"

'You're one tough cookie, Mrs Brinnon. But you do have a few chocolate chips missing.'

No Frills Psychiatrist.

"It was the classic fight or flight response. Next time, try flight."

Depressed, not sleeping, low self esteem... still enough about me, what about you?

"Misunderstood,overworked,underpaid and stressed, it's bound to lead to depression...still enough of my problems,what can I do for you?"

'I'm sensing you may still have some boundary issues.'

Stress management Clinic: 'Sorry, closed due to burnout.'

How antidepressants should work.

'I really can't talk about my childhood. Before I left home, they made me sign a confidentiality agreement.'

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

He's obviously depressed,let's label him and see if several years of unemployment and poor relationships helps his condition.

'As I get older I'm scared of losing my memory.'

Herbal/Verbal Remedies: "Snap out of it."

"I'm going to be late, dear. It's total craziness here."

Won't admit he has a problem. Won't even admit he's the patient.

Good shrink, bad shrink.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"Wow! You need professional help."

"You have got to want to change."

Spring fever clinic

'Before you continue on your emotional tirade, let me know if you're picking up on my non evaluative and empathetic listening.'

"As you can see from your genetic printout, you only think you' re depressed..."

Most people meditate to seek inner peace, not revenge.

Anger Management classroom brawl.