Pseudoscience Ponderers Gifts

"Is it gold yet?"

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

The Artist

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"I'm learning to live with existence."

Ten Commandments

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

Dog phrenology

'My thesis was entitled 'Tears of a Clown: Irony or Paradox?''

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

"Great, now we're lost."

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

"Hang on - I'm not as young as I used to be. . .!"

"Genetic engineering has made us disease resistant."

A psychic mows the lawn.

"Trepanning for gold"

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."

"For Feng Shui I'd like to move your liver above your lungs.''

'Revolution? I thought you creatures said you wanted Evolution!'

"The arc of the moral universe."

"An equation for your thoughts?"

"Nobody wants to hear our stories about death from natural causes."

'Have you ever thought that being damned for all eternity to a lake of eternal fire might mask a deeper problem?'

'The rot set in when I started doing these things in my own image - my early stuff was better.'

'You know what I really miss? -- living dangerously.'

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

"He has a little place in the basement where he's trying to transmute amethysts into antibiotics."

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

"You're on next. Break a leg!"

'Well, so much for that round-earth theory of yours, smart guy.'

"They harvest our noses then liquify them and drink the juice. They believe it gives them special powers called 'antioxidants'."