Pseudoscience Ponderer Gifts

"Trepanning for gold"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'But what is the universe for?'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

God Sneezes Out Creation

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Have you been playing dice?"

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

Sauce for the Goose

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

The Origins of Everything

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

'Look at it another way. Happiness can't buy you money!'

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

Afraid of change - leave it here.

The probability of an event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

'...and that is my philosophy.'

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

Dog phrenology

'Why am I the one always getting kicked?'

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."