Pseudoscience Gifts

"Of course you can't replicate my experiments. That's the beauty of them."

Dog phrenology

Gravity - What good is it?

"I'm sorry, Rudolph, but empathetic soulsource crystal navigation has made that nose of yours pretty much obsolete."

"No, Midheaven is not the same thing as purgatory."

"Hang on - I'm not as young as I used to be. . .!"

The Style of Elements

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"All in all, I'd say it's a pretty convincing explication of chaos theory."

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"Trepanning for gold"

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

"I totally meant to do that."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

"For Feng Shui I'd like to move your liver above your lungs.''

'It's just a conspiracy by scientists to get funding.'

Science deniers Soc.

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"

"Dad just told me a weird stork story. He must be a creationist."

Documentation Please

GOP presidental candidates on science!: 'Billions for astrollogers! Zero for astronomers!' s

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."

"The drug has, however, proved more effective than traditional psychoanalysis."

Alternative Accountants

RFK Jr Anti-Vax