Prude Ponderer Gifts

"I'm fine. She's just a prude."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

"Go ahead. Fly through it. I dare you."

'He's the best bull I've ever had.'

'I say we try it.'

"I'll have dessert first."

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'White meat or dark?'

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

...Well I've got to make sure I REALLY like where I am.

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

"A plague of frogs? Awesome!"

"I see you coming into money, at least 50p for a cup of tea."

Human meat.

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

Fortune teller sees impending doom

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

Zika Epidemic

'He's always looking for an argument!'

The End is Near.

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

'Are you sure its a purbred?'

Various Birds of Pray.

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

A self-filling prophecy.

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

"I love the part when they scream, 'Hey! That's no log!'..."

Walking on Water