Pride Ponderer Gifts

'I often commit the sin of pride, Reverend. I imagine myself being googled.'

"Oh, swallow your pride and go to the eye doctor!"

'Been patting yourself on the back again?'

'It takes a very special administrator to admit he was wrong.'

"Needs to get a life"

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

An American flag being hung by Trump's tie

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

'Confusionism'

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

I see

Trump Bird

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

"I'll bet a lot of people wish they had a royal palace to return to."