Pride Ponderer Pillows

"Oh, swallow your pride and go to the eye doctor!"

'Been patting yourself on the back again?'

'It takes a very special administrator to admit he was wrong.'

"Needs to get a life"

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

An American flag being hung by Trump's tie

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'Confusionism'

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

"I'll bet a lot of people wish they had a royal palace to return to."

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

Trump Bird

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

Caption Contest TK

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

Soren Kierkegaard