Proverb Fanatics Gifts

"I did turn the other cheek, but he kept hitting me on the first one!"

'I'll look for apples -- you keep an eye out for early birds.'

Campaign for Plain English

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

Laughing Zone Ahead

Man selling 'pearls of wisdom'.

Caution: ironic literal proverb ahead (fork in the road)

When a speaker says '...to make a long story short,' you've already been there 3 hours.

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

"If he who hesitates is lost, why do we have to look before we leap?"

"Don't even think about it."

"Like they say, April lenders brings May spenders."

"I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman but, hang on a minute, I'm pretty sure I have the heart and stomach of a king, too..."

"You need a mint."

Cold Enough to Freeze Brass Monkeys.

'We think Rome was built at night sir, because last week you told us that Rome wasn't built in a day!'

Phonetic Man

'My mother always told me if it ain't broke, date it.'

Curiosity discovers life on Mars

Let to water, wouldn't drink, kicked off farm.

At home with the pedants "It's raining small carnivorous quadrupedes" "Both feline and canine?"

'The longest journey beings with a single step.' Mao would have made great congressman!

"Do you know what time they open love?"

"Hello, everyone. My name is Mittens, and I'm addicted to catnip."

'It's always darkest just before Dawn.'

Unsound

Sometimes the 'Staggers-in-at-4 AM Bird' beats the Early Bird to the worm.

"Some guys from the state board of medicine are here to see you."