Protein Ponderer Gifts

"You know, lentils have twice as much protein per serving."

"This is going to ruin my ratio of protein to vegetables."

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

'At least I don't have his life.'

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

Thinking and thinking backwards.

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

"Woah - random!"

'The hippiest dryads were often farouche.'

'It's a real conundrum. Not sure if I should open it, or beat it.'

'Jerry, The Hermans take the same pharmaceuticals we do!'

"Is there a God?"

Are you aware? The Higgs Boson was thought to exist even through no one had seen it!

Answers to last week's brain-teasers

'That's from the last year the data was available.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

Microbiology Lab. It's worse than we thought. That antibiotic resistant bacteria is reading Nietzsche!

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

Dr. McPhee discovers the Embarrassment Particle.

The Big Four debate banking ethics