Proof Ponderer Gifts

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

'I proved that when you start to count your blessings, you find that they're infinite.'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

'Marry me, and make me the happiest man in the world.' 'You want BOTH?!'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

'I say we try it.'

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

"I'll have dessert first."

"What's with kids nowadays? Walking upright's not good enough for you?"

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

"Sure, but what have you invented lately?"

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

'He's always looking for an argument!'

"Woah - random!"

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

Are you aware? The Higgs Boson was thought to exist even through no one had seen it!

"Well, for starters, Matt has been showing definite improvement in risk-taking."

'Though we must innovate, and though we must grow, we must never lose sight of our core mediocrities.'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

The End is Near.

Dorothy finds the Yellow brick road is now a 6-lane expressway.

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

Dr. McPhee discovers the Embarrassment Particle.

A self-filling prophecy.