Probability Ponderer Gifts

'How do you want it - the crystal mumbo jumbo or the statistical probability?'

'They say you have a better chance of being struck by lightening than of winning the lottery...I guess they're right!'

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'I'm just calculating the probability of my getting tenure in this university.'

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

Probability: 10,000-1, 150-1, 6-1, 2-5, 1-20, 50-1, 10,000-1.

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"Woah - random!"

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

'It's like shooting fish in a barrel, except you're in Vegas and the barrel's in New York.'

"Let's face it, you could back the wrong horse in a one-horse race!"

Risk Analysis: ".037%"

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"What if Newton came up with a different idea from a fallen apple."

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

'According to the latest poll, 64% of the public don't pay any attention to polls...'

Thinking and thinking backwards.

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

Max Weber